WINTER NON-MIXTAPE 2011 (A Month Late, Sorry)

Dang. It seems that while we were all cheerleading for the defeat of SOPA and patting each other on the virtual back, somebody snuck in and shut down Megaupload. Bummer. As we bid our old friend MU adieu (and with it, about 75% of the music on this site), we must remain calm and determined in the face of adversity--for there are vast, terrible things still upon the horizon, and our only weapon against the forces of greed and evil is our unity. Stay strong, O my internet brothers and sisters. Stay strong. (PS I don't plan on going back and replacing every single missing Megaupload link, but I'll re-up files on request if you guys ask me nicely.)

Speaking of staying strong, I assume most of you are abreast of recent happenings over at our long-lost twin blog The Living Doorway (we must share at least, like, 90% readership, right?), namely Brother JGD's introduction of the TLD Fit Club, a forum for fat Hessians to talk about (and act on) getting skinny and healthy. As JGD and I share a brain, it comes as no surprise that I am fully on board with the Fit Club, and had actually already undertaken the monumental task, lo these past few weeks/months, of shedding my massive suds-gut, eating right, running, lifting, exercising, etc etc etc. That's right, folks: you can kiss Cobras' fat ass goodbye, and enjoy a much longer, sexier, and more sensual kiss with my brand new, toned, skinny ass. Pucker up.
But enough about my rippling torso and rock hard pecs. I was thinking about things a little, and realized that, via the weird psychic connection between JGD and myself, I'm probably more responsible for the TLD Fit Club than he is. I mean, we do share a brain. We like all the same shitty wigger slam and proto-death. We both buy stupid Santa hats to put on our cats at Christmastime (pictures available on request). Doesn't that basically qualify me as CO-OWNER of the Fit Club, if not outright CEO? I think it does, and as such, I've put together a little treat for all you pasty slobs looking to get blasted in 2012. It's been done before (by Sergeant D, I think), and by God it'll be done again, but I made a sick workout mix for you guys as an entry for the (month late, sorry) Don't Call It A Mixtape series, to guide you on your path to utter washboardism. Behold:


Today's delayed mix comes in two hour-long volumes, and basically serve as a Greatest Hits collection from the Cobras DM pantheon. I know when I'm blasting through my fiftieth set of inverted lat-curls, I need some super-crunchy, nad-pumping death metal spewing into my earholes, not too tech-y, too slow, or too slammy (although slam is often cited as a worthy workout companion--rightfully so). So that's what we've got here. Two rock-solid hours of cardio-friendly grind, spanning the entire twenty-plus year existence of the genre we all love so much.

Use this mix wisely, and you will reap the benefits for years to come. I'd like to thank JGD for introducing the concept of Fit Club invite JGD to join in on MY new Fit Club idea, as well as extend the invitation to all you sad, pathetic, fat fat fatties out there too. Let's get ripped.
Speaking of JGD, can you guys believe the crappy graphics he puts together over there on The Living Doorway (right)?
Seriously? MS Paint? You're better than that, Bro.



COME AT ME BRO (Part 1)

61:05, 103.4 MB

DOWNLOAD


COME AT ME BRO (Part 2)

60:46, 97.1 MB

DOWNLOAD


Pictured left to right: Cobras, Swayze, JGD.

BACK IN BLACK (a rebellion of sorts)

Dude! Back in Black?! Micro-brew in a can?! Hell yeah! Now that's metal! The name is obviously taken from the song of the same title and while the Aussie heavy weight rockers themselves (AC/DC) may not be considered exactly "metal", shit man this beer’s name is more than appropriate for times like these - it is the Solstice after all (the longest night of the year)!

Those who live in the City (i.e. San Francisco) will undoubtedly be familiar with this particular type of beer since its brewed by 21st Amendment Brewery which is located in SF off 2nd Street. The beer itself comes in metal not glass. Yes good aluminum cans -- not your weak, shit-lined aluminum cans that you usually get from Oly, Coors, Miller, or Pabst -- so as to withstand some heavy drinking (I've inadvertently dropped a can or two and they have survived to tell the story).
Good beer in good cans = good drinking! Right?
(In my professional opinion, all beer should come in cans but that's probably just the hippie in me talking)

According to 21^st Amendment, Back In Black is “inspired by Paul Revere's midnight ride, we rebelled against the British style IPA, embraced the more aggressive American version and then recast it in bold, brave, defiant black. Our Black IPA is a Declaration of Independence from the tyranny of the expected... Brewed like an American IPA but with the addition of rich, dark malts, this beer has all the flavor and hop character you expect with a smooth, mellow finish.”

Huh? Say what? Hold on let me get another beer...

Basically Back In Black is a "black IPA". It's an American-styled IPA that has been brewed with traditional top fermenting ale yeast and hopped with Columbus hops, brewed with Rahr Pale, Crystal, Munich, and De-bittered Black malts; it has been dry-hopped with Centennial and Simcoe hops thus resulting in 65 IBUS. Its alcohol content is 6.8% by volume, so it’s still drinkable but low enough that a six-pack of it won’t get you entirely hammed. Basically it’s black in color, tastes like a hoppy stout but with the consistency of an IPA or pale ale and is more epic than that bier stein that your grandpa gave you last Christmas, sort of like this one here:

(I have a sudden urge to put on some Sacred Steel for some odd reason)

So why am I doing a post on beer you ask? Well I did do a brief post on a couple tasty and well-known beers not too long ago but it was centered around the music namely. To me, beer and music go hand in hand. Also now that I'm officially on "winter break" laziness has settled in and I couldn't come up with anything better to write about.

No, I'm kidding of course! Well, OK. Sort of...

Seriously though, this time around I figured I’d try something new on y'all. I wanted to share with you something that I enjoy – in the holiday spirit, of course. Plus, this beer rules and I have been drinking massive amounts of it recently and I think you should too! (I’m the Devourer of Spirits after all, so I must live up to my name I guess).
See, I'm all about this can-revolution that's been sweeping the micro-brew world recently. I think glass bottles are inefficient and using recycled aluminum is much more cost-effective than recycled glass bottles. More breweries should be looking into this option in my opinion... More on this another time perhaps.
Anyways, Back In Black is a great beer! I highly recommend it. It's got the best of both worlds (Stout meets IPA) and it gets you hammered! Incredible, I must say...
I realize that this beer may not be for everyone but 21st Amendment has other ales that they can also, and many other breweries are picking up the idea as well. It's almost like a rebellion of sorts!

In the spirit of rebellion, in which this beer was supposedly made, there’s nothing like listening to some dark, grim, incoherent, rebellious American Black Metal while downing a couple of these tasty brews on the eve of the Winter Solstice. So on that note, and in the spirit of keeping things traditional music-wise here at IllCon, I’ll share with you a link to some of the music I’ve been supposedly listening to while I have been rambling on here. Yes, I put together a mix of mp3s for y'all to enjoy. Lucky you!
(I guess this is my Christmas present to all of you but whatever you do, please don't call it a "mixtape" - that would just be unforgivable):

Judas Iscariot - Heaven In Flames
Nachtmystium - My Vengeance
Leviathan - Summoning Lupine
Valdur - Wound Fires In The Afterlife
Elk - Blood Under Stone
Unholy Crucifix - Desecration Priest
Miasmic - Gravemoss
Xasthur - Keeper of Sharpened Blades (And Ominous Fates)
Ash Borer - Untitled (Fell Voices/Ash Borer split)
Fog - By This Axe We Rule
Krieg - Sick Winds Stir The Cold Dawn
Weakling - No One Can Be Called As A Man While He'll Die
Nightbringer - Upturning the Seventh Chalice
Blackgoat - The Black Goat
Hemlock - Loyal To Evil
(NOTE: All of these bands can be found on Encyclopaedia Metallum
and via their respective websites)

Cheers!

For more info on Back In Black and 21st Amendment Brewery's other ales, check out their website at:
http://21st-amendment.com/

Contact your local distributor to see if they can carry their beer
(if we can get it here in bum-fuck-egypt-Humboldt County, you'll likely be able too)
or if you're visiting SF, stop by the brewery itself!

Remember to drink responsibly!

Oh, and Happy Holidays and such!
(or Holidaze if you prefer)