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We're back, motherfuckers. IllCon Radio, Episode 37. Our guest is Oxbow frontman and author Eugene Robinson, the twisted mind behind such staggering works of literary genius as Fight and A Long Slow Screw. Eugene will discuss the finer points of post-modern French Expressionist poetry with us, and then punch us in the face.

There's also this guy Aesop who keeps showing up to the studio and hanging out during taping, we've tried repeatedly to shoo him away but the dude keeps coming back like a fucking cockroach. Unless our attempts are successful this evening, he will appear on the show as well. Apologies in advance.

10 PM-MIDNIGHT. HERE. (415) 829-2980.

There is a bunch of other shit coming up too. Like THIS, for instance (if you live in or around Half Moon Bay, tomorrow is going to be some crazy stuff--DO NOT MISS IT). In related news, if you live anywhere in the Pacific Northwest, I am coming to visit you soon. I may or may not need your floor/alcohol/women/food/WiFi connection/emotional support. Stay tuned, ass clowns.

And remember:

PURPLE SABBATH - The Black Sabbath Born Again Demos 1983

I think it's weird that everyone is talking about Sabbath reforming sans Bill Ward. Who the heck cares in 2012? Ozzy is a ghost of his former self, they play exactly zero deep cuts. Who get excited for this shit? Internet metal nerds? Dad? I don't know.

Let's take it back and look at what was up with Sabbath in 1983. Singer Ronnie James Dio just left the band along with then-drummer Vinnie Appice to start their own band Dio. The story goes: he had an epic battle with Iommi about the mixing of Live Evil (lol divas). Original Sabbath drummer Bill Ward was coaxed back in and the new singer was none other than the legendary Ian Gillan of Deep Purple fame. 

The result? Well thats up for debate. To me Born Again is up there with Vol 4. and Masters as one of their heaviest records. I love Ian Gillan's voice. Love it. Jesus Christ Superstar is one of my favorite rock records ever (Gillan plays Jesus, n00bs) and (in my opinion) his vocals worked perfectly with Iommi's evil riffage. The album was not received well by the public and generally trashed by the music press. I think thats weird. It totally rules. WTF, people?  

Ian said he never fit in with the band and he hated the album cover. I once read he smashed a whole box of records in his home because he was so disgusted. Also I guess this version of Sabbath inspired the 'Stonehenge' scene in This Is Spinal Tap. Check out this awesome story:

The album was apparently the victim of a terrible mix that had something to do with humidity + master tapes. Thats why what I'm posting here is so important. This is the unmixed, unmastered demos for the album (+ 1 song) that somehow surfaced in 2004 and it's fucking rad. This album has never received an official release on CD which is weird but fuck it. These demos are better anyway. One of my faves.

Download this now. 

THE METALOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN

Guess who's coming to dinner on Episode 34 of IllCon Radio tonight? You guessed it: Tommy Blacha (right), co-creator of everyone's favorite TV show Metalocalypse and voice of everyone's favorite quasi-retarded alcoholic bass player William Murderface.
That's right: Worlds are colliding, faces are melting, and everything you once thought you knew will be proven false. Please go to FCCFreeRadio.com Studio 1A at 10pm to join in the fun, and feel free to drop us a line at 415-829-2980 to join in the quasi-retarded alcoholic fun. Don't forget to subscribe on iTunes as well.

Coming soon: Kubrick conspiracies blown wide open, Apocryphon tour dates, cryptozoological breakthroughs in space, and probably several more fan-art-related posts. Stay tuned.

Also, I'm on the new episode of Pool Party Radio. Check that out, too, and don't forget to subscribe to their podcast as well. They're OK dudes.
Since I don't have the time to supply you all with anything else worthwhile or thought-provoking at the moment, instead let's just take a moment to enjoy the trailer for Antfarm Dickhole:

I'M GOING TO STEAL THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

OK, maybe not.

I'm way too busy for such shenanigans, what with all my sweet guest appearances on heavy-metal-and-conspiracy-themed podcasts (OH HEY, did I mention that the "Illogical Conspiracy" episode of Metal Injection's Hand Ov Doom--featuring Yours Truly--is up now?), tours, forays in the IllCon clothing line, and the impending move from SF to Oakland... Shit, I've hardly got time to brush my teeth, much less accompany Extraterrestrial Nic Cage on his next adventure through the catacombs of subterranean Washington, D.C., searching for hidden messages in the text of ancient documents.

But long story short: The Apocryphon show in Arcata (Vallejo got cancelled--long story) was a fucking blast (see photos below for evidence), and thanks to all the die-hards who showed up. Dates are solid on our next Northwest tour, more on that in a second.

Now is the part where I devolve into an extended period of shameless self-promotion. Apologies in advance:

THIS SUNDAY, APRIL 29TH @ HEMLOCK, SF:

BADR VOGU

PRIZE HOG

APOCRYPHON

and motherfucking AUTHOR AND PUNISHER! Get a load of what this guy is all about:

What a freak.

Then, the following Friday, @ The First Church of The Buzzard in Oakland:

THE HAUNTING PRESENCE

MUKNAL

SUTEKH HEXEN

CRUCIFIXION (impossible to Google)

APOCRYPHON

Be there.

Then Apocryphon plays with Cerebrate (from Eureka) and Bone Sickness (ex-Funerot, Olympia, WA) at The Elbo Room Saturday, May 19th.

Then the mighty DALTON has a show at an art opening for our pal Ben Venom (remember him?) at Guerrero Gallery in SF with our bros Hazzard's Cure on June 9th.

Then Dalton is playing an epic "Rock and Roll Bro-B-Q/Fucking In Tents Fest" camp-out type thing in Half Moon Bay with Total BS (they're a Bob Seger cover band), Beer Drinkers and Hell Raisers (they're a Zed Zed Topp cover band), Chablis, Bar Fight, and Girl Problems on June 16th. We might even get a mechanical bull for this one. Seriously.

Then Apocryphon is playing in Eureka Thursday, June 28th (local bands and venue TBA).

Then Apocryphon is playing at Slabtown in Portland Friday, June 29th (local bands TBA).

Then Apocryphon is playing The Kraken (formerly Galway Arms) in Seattle Saturday, June 30th (local bands TBA).

And then...

That's right, motherfuckers. Apocryphon with Anhedonist, Grave Miasma, Vastum, and fucking DEAD CONGREGATION at the Oakland Metro Friday, July 6th.

More summer shows to be announced in the near future. Meanwhile...

Check out IllCon Radio tonight for an interview with the porn-soaked YouTube enigma known as The Spelunker, whose Smut Cave videos were previously featured on the blog RIGHT HERE. Tune in to FCCFreeRadio.com at 10 pm PST, and J.O. into the vortex with us!

"unfortunately terms like 'tin foil hats' may be amusing but serve the purpose to discredit conspiracies before fact 1 has even been looked at. Well done for being patronising (sacracsm)"

- some guy commenting on my episode of Hand Ov Doom

HEAVY METAL ALBUM COVERS RE-CREATED IN MS PAINT (A Retrospective)

As a direct result of Nothing Left Inside's post Saturday about shitty album art, I present you today with yet another rabbit hole, namely the short-lived trend of extreme-metal album covers being redrawn in MS Paint. Thanks to a re-posting of NLI's IllCon piece on Facebook (courtesy of internet-radio giants WMFU), the Bad Album Art thread spread far and wide, ultimately resulting in virtual Uroborous that leads right back to good 'ol IC Classic.

Our FB pal Aaron Neighbors hipped us to a shit-ton of his very own artwork (namely of the MS Paint variety) originally from a thread over on Nuclear War Now's message board (which in turn was spawned from earlier incarnations on DFFD and The Board That Shall Not Be Named), which blossomed, like the proverbial Corpse Flower, nearly overnight--eventually resulting in a stagnant pool of some of the most retardedly brilliant metal art I've ever seen. Out of respect for his diligence and hard work, we'll start with 25 of Mr. Neighbors' own designs, eventually moving on to another gallery of 25 greats from a further assortment of Nuclear War Now contributors.

This collection needs no further introduction. I believe the art speaks for itself.

Urgent update: Apparently there was a small misunderstanding. In Aaron's own words: "Also there was a confusion: only the Darkthrone, Beherit, and Mortiis featured are mine. The first 25 are not mine but belong to the dude that started this trend on NWN! I have many more in my own fb gallery so I don't want anyone to think those first ones are mine, those are way better than what I can do."

Update Update: This entire first run of images (besides the Ved Buens Ende cover) should be attributed to Mr. Patrick Hughes. Well done sir!

One "BONUS" image from Mr. Neighbors, which started this whole exploration in the first place:

Moving on:

25 further MS Paint-ed Extreme Metal Classics, all of them gleaned from various artists in the pages of the Nuclear War Now message board. Enjoy:

And finally, one "BONUS" image, possible the very greatest of the over 50 I've shared here today:

I could honestly get only halfway through the 53 pages of this thread before I gave up saving and re-posting. There is simply too much awesome. Feel free to head over there and check out the rest of the collection, as this is but a small cross-section.

Thanks again, Mr. Neighbors, for blowing my fucking mind.

In other news, check out the new IllCon logo sent in by our Bro Jay Howard from the LA-based band Wire Werewolves:

Dang. We have the best goddamn motherfucking readers on the entire internet.

You guys rule.