When drawing goes wrong pt2.

I am going to put it out there and say that it was pretty sweet seeing the level of response to the previous bad artwork post. Then the remedial prison, rehabilitation art ball rolled into the MS Paint album covers post, which we all agree was beyond awesome. To quote the head honcho, " we have the best goddamn motherfucking readers on the entire Internet, you guys rule."

On that slushy note, here is another selection of some of my favourite "bad art" album covers. Once again. Despite a complete lack of art skill and in some cases complete lack of human anatomy, I do hold a certain level of respect for these awesome images.

Pretty obvious what these guys think about all the time isn't it? I can wager it isn't being in a band.

God bless the Scorpions for consistently proving themselves to be guitar wielding numb skulls of the highest order. I have a slight bit of respect for the German chumps over the fact that when it comes to making some sort of statement, The Scorpions are always going to express it at a unbelievably low level of both class and awareness. With Animal Magnetism they surpassed themselves and wouldn't manage to beat it until 1996 when they hit us with this guy.....

See what I mean, deep stuff.

Future barbarian, biker, outlaw judge? Who knows but Battle Axe. They charged into the art the same way they approach they're sweet metal jams. With more enthusiasm than skill.

I really dig this one. Its just an awesome image. Plain and simple. Of course maybe the artist wasn't exactly up to the job but I am letting it slide.

It was mentioned last time so here it is. I never thought I would say this but Metal Magic really was a step up for these guys after Projects In The Jungle.

Karisma with a "K". Pretty sure that's a rabid walrus either escaping from some kind of imprisonment or just hanging out. Awesome.

Yes, that is a skull faced nudist raising a severed penis above its head atop a volcano. Thanks for noticing.

Everyones favourite NWOBHM never was's prove that you shouldn't fear evil. Fear death and badly drawn skulls instead.

Some evil, Christ baiting black metal? No? Oh sorry my mistake. You look like your having far to much fun at camp to be actual black metallers. She most certainly is having far to much fun streaking for Satan.

You shouldn't really expect too much when diving into the putrid trough of goregrind/pornogrind nonsense, its meant to be offensive. But this certainly plumbs some stinky depths.

Another one mentioned last time and its a cracker. Really what can you say about this? 

Once again, Any of you guys want to throw some more into the ring? We are open to suggestions for any you can think of to top these.

Meco - Star Wars and Other Galactic Funk (1977)

We all know that there are plenty of things better than Star Wars and Illcon has made this public knowledge before. I mean, George Lucas has been shitting on his fans for quite some time now, what do you owe him? Nothing. Today's record is something that is also better than Star Wars.

The little dude above is a fella called Meco, Domenico Monardo to be exact. He was a pretty big name during the 1970's as a respected producer and trombonist. Playing on and producing records for Diana Ross, Neil Diamond, Gloria Gaynor and plenty of others. Things changed however, when in 1977 George Lucas released his cash vulture, Star Wars. Meco got pretty excited by this film. Even more excited by the stirring score courtesy of the always awesome John Williams. Meco hatched on the idea of creating a disco version. Of course, it was laughed at and not taken seriously. Who would believe that could work!

Meco believed and wouldn't let up. Luckily the score became a huge hit and the top brass relented, allowing him to see his idea through. Of course he would need a pretty sweet band to achieve this feat. The Sci-Fi Disco Band Meco was born.

Seriously

Despite looking like the outcome of letting Ming The Merciless assemble the Village People, the band managed to survive on the mean streets of New York for about 4 months performing live and providing a much needed visual element to this epic onslaught of disco. And it is an onslaught. The album contains the full 15 minute Star Wars suite encompassing the opening them, Imperial March, the cool flying music bits, all those schmaltzy parts and that stupid band in the bar. It also has robots dancing on the cover.

Meco - Star Wars and other Galactic Funk

Of course, a guy with the balls to disco a George Lucas cash cow must have a pretty sweet logo.

Meco proved the naysayers wrong. Those turkeys at MGM tried it themselves. look at the results...

COIN-OP MEMORIES PART 2

Back for more. Part 1 ( I'm not going to link it as you would miss the sweet Herpes post below ) whet your appetite about some classic arcade gaming. Well I have carried on my trawl through the arcade classics I remember and picked out more of my favourites that are worthy of a go still to this day. Lets get down to it.

Bad Dudes Vs. DragonNinja (1988)

One of those games that every arcade had, also one of those games that everyone had at home as it was ported to nearly every home computer going. Despite being easier on the home versions it still gave you a little more edge over the competition when it came down to playing it in public.
The game had you attempting to rescue President Ronny ( Reagan ) from the DragonNinja. You constantly get asked if your a bad enough dude to take on the job despite your character proclaiming he's "bad" after every stage. They ain't even satisfied when you beat the shit out of waves and waves of enemy ninjas, dogs, ladies in bondage gear and various boss characters.

Once you manage to defeat the the evil DragonNinja, you get this pretty sweet ending......

Lucky & Wild (1992)

This was the coolest game when I was a kid. For those of us that grew up watching Lethal Weapon, Starsky & Hutch and Tango & Cash, this was the only way to live out those fantasies. It wasn't a very popular machine due to the size it required, but you had hit gold if any amusement had it. First off, check the machine......

That's right! Driving as well as shooting! With two guns! It might be a common thing these days but back in the late 80's/early 90's, only Chase HQ had the police chase, shooting and driving angle really nailed. Lucky & Wild allowed you and a buddy to be cops chasing down and shooting the shit out of everything on screen.
Check the video.............

Mute the sound as its pretty annoying listening to some bozo talking through it.

Pretty sweet looking eh? The attraction of it was the absolute chaos it seemed to involve. You drove through malls and restaurants while blasting bad guys apart! At its heart it was a standard rail shooter, to my young mind it was the nearest I would ever get to being involved in high speed shoot-outs.

Hot bitches 

Plus sweet chase music

I am pretty sure this is the king of my mispent, childhood, arcade loitering.

Vendetta (1991)

At one point in time, any urban set, revenge themed beat em up wouldn't have been taken seriously if it didn't have the title screen set on a graffiti strewn brick wall. That was a cast iron certificate that you would see fist/face interface action. Vendetta was a sort of sequel to the Double Dragon rip off Crime Fighters, it was a pretty standard rescue-your-girl-from-nasty-dudes. Now, lots of games dealt with this theme, Vendetta changed it up with the chance to have 3 of your friends back you up. Allowing you to throw each other into enemies and such.

Vendetta added a ton more violence than Final Fight or Double Dragon had, this was what had me coming back. You could hold enemies down and wail on their torso, smash barrels over heads, kick down scaffolding, smash sacks of cement around their faces, tons of pretty rough stuff. Get your hands on a baseball bat with nails or a chain and you could carve your way through the enemies.

Hot bitches and fire.

Your gang is called Cobras.

Rogues gallery.

Did I also mention the pretty bitchin' soundtrack courtesy of Castlevania composer Michiru Yamane? You bet I did.

Personally, these where my favourites. I always had a few more that I played pretty regular like Captain Commando, Knights of The Round, Narc, Vigilante and some others. Anyone want to throw their own favourites in?

COIN-OP MEMORIES PART 1

If my parents had a list of things I shouldn't have spent my hard earned paper round money on then arcade games where public enemy number one when I was a child. Even more so than comics and records! I could happily piss away a whole weeks wage ( back then, that was a lot) inside of an hour at any number of amusement arcades dotted around my home town. I have always believed the appeal was the fact that you believed you would never see these games on your home computer, couple that with the amount of violence and the prison-art-therapy artwork adorning most of the machines casings and you had a sure thing when it came to relieving young people of money.
I recently spent a bit of time messing around with a MAME emulator and revisiting some of these games. Suffice to say, it becomes obvious you were not designed to complete most on a single credit. A few have held up pretty well while others still hold a small corner of my memory hostage. Following my research, these are my sure fire, revisit, classic arcade cash devourers.

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs (1992)

Cadillacs & Dinosaurs not only combined all manner of awesome things ( dinosaurs, cool cars, guns, post-apocalyptic story and girls) to appeal to a young man, but it also managed to keep me going back time after time. Despite being Mark Schultz's Xenozoic Tales bolted to the Final Fight game system, Cadillacs & Dinosaurs held my attention for years. You had guns! Final Fight didn't have those. You could kick the shit out of dinosaurs! Final Fight couldn't do that.

That's what you think dick neck.

The story had you fighting off poachers, mutants, bikers and various nasty types from messing with the balance of nature. That didn't really matter to me. The clincher was halfway through the first stage, being able to blast someone out of a window with a shotgun before punching a Rock Hopper (Raptor. None of the dinosaurs go by their real names) in the face outside in an alley! Throw in being able to smash through bikers and barrels in a car and I was sold. My pockets rapidly emptied.

Ignore the System of A Down tune at the beginning, Some people have a nerve.

A.B. Cop (1990)

AB Cop was the easiest of my childhood arcade adventures. Being as I once managed to complete it on a single credit, sadly there was no one to witness my amazing skill on that fateful day in a derelict amusement arcade in Blackpool. AB ( Air bike, air biscuit) Cop took the Hang On template of third person, full immersion racing ( you had a bike to lean left and right on, or if your arcade was cheap they just had the cabinet with handle bars ) and added enemies to battle. The levels all took the same route, ram various nasty biker types before confronting the boss. You then had to use your turbo charge to jump and smash him off the road to complete the level and get a satisfying thumbs up from your rider.

The main appeal of AB Cop was the difficulty scale. It was so easy to have a single credit and get through about 3 levels before you had to dive into your pocket for a follow up go. Once you worked out the main tactic for dealing with every boss ( jump, turbo charge. steer left/right, repeat) you could rampage through the whole game on a single credit. Of course the appeal of showing off to all and sundry in the arcade by reaching the completion screen of any game was impossible to ignore. No matter how easy said game was.

BEAST BUSTERS (1989)

Long before you could take cover with a fancy foot pedal in Time Crisis and such games, rail shooters gave you a big machine gun and threw waves of enemies at you. Beast Busters ( from the ever reliable SNK stable) was always the game I saw in arcades but never managed to actually play as they always seemed to place Operation Wolf or Rambo 3 in my way as a distraction. Luckily, I found a flea pit on a family outing that only had assorted pinball tables, Asteroids and Beast Busters. No contest really, sorry Asteroids.

The wafer thin plot had you as gun nuts trying to escape a zombie infested city. Gun toting zombies at that. Pretty ahead of its time stuff? The gore was a major factor in how cool I thought this game was. Enemies exploded in blood and bone pieces, green slime was everywhere, they had zombie bikers, Jason like hockey masked monsters and then along came the absurd bosses! A driverless Jeep that shoots missiles before coming alive! A typical 80's street punk that transforms into a massive dog! A floating eye made of bodies! Next level shit for any kid. Even the soundtrack was sweet.

It had 3 f**king guns!

Party Bus

Thanks to the wonders of MAME technology you can enjoy all these titles from the comfort of your own home. You don't have to worry about all those dodgy, blatantly criminal looking dudes that used to hang around arcades, you don't have to worry about putting your hand in the never clean ashtray that adorned pretty much every machine and you don't have to worry about any bigger boys coming along and shoving you over while you where playing. The world of arcade gaming is far less dangerous these days.

P.S. If anyone can help to hook me up with any of the soundtracks to these games or other arcade classics then that would be sweet.

Part 2 to follow.