T-SHIRTS, TOURS, DOOM, ETC... (The IllCon Empire Never Sleeps)

ATTENTION HESSIAN MINIONS: ILLOGICAL CONTRAPTION NEEDS YOUR HELP!

First off, you can "help out" ol' Uncle Cobras by tuning in to the Hand Ov Doom show on Emerson College radio tonight, where I'll be appearing to discuss conspiracy theories, metal, conspiracy theories in metal, and all things great and small pertaining to the IllCon Universe. The show streams live 5-7pm PST (that's 8-10 EST, dummies) right HERE, then goes up in podcast form (via Metal Injection.com) right HERE. While you're at it, why don't you "help out" Metal Injection too, by heading over to iTunes and subscribing to their entire podcast roster, which includes not only Hand Ov Doom but a veritable multitude of excellent metal-oriented broadcasts as well: Metal Injection podcasts on iTunes!

Secondly, we implore the more artistically-minded amongst our dear readers and listeners to help us out with yet another podcast/radio-related item--of course, I'm speaking of the IllCon Radio T-Shirt Design Contest!
This really cool bro from Rochester, NY's own HTB Press has put an offer on the table in regards to producing some IC Radio-themed garb, and we're fully stoked on making it happen. The only problem: WE SUCK AT DRAWING THINGS. Can you draw good? Are you a fan of the show? Would you be interested in seeing your very own alien-smoking-a-bong-on-the-back-of-a-unicorn design emblazoned on the front of an IllCon Radio shirt, and would you be psyched to receive said shirt, for FREE, in the mail? Well shit, dude. The address is illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com. What the fuck are you waiting for? We'll accept sketches, written ideas, scribbles on bar napkins... Whatever. Let's do this.

Thirdly (and most important): Let's hook up some Apocryphon dates for this summer! If you're an Illogical Contraption reader, you're also undoubtedly an Apocryphon listener, so how 'bout you help out your favorite psychedelic deathgrind homies with a couple tips on booking West Coast dates? We've only got a couple small windows of opportunity to get out of town this June, and the specific dates we're looking to book are as follows:

- Thursday, June 7th: Eureka/Arcata, CA
- Friday, June 8th: Portland, OR
- Saturday, June 9th: Seattle, WA

- Friday, June 22nd: Los Angeles, CA
- Saturday, June 23rd: San Diego, CA

Do you live in any of these places? Where are all the metal-friendly venues and easy women? Who has the cheapest booze? WE WANT TO PARTY WITH YOU. Let's make it happen!
Again, illogicalcontraption(at)yahoo(dot)com, or check us out (if you haven't already) on Bandcamp/Facebook/Last.FM. (Groovy DALTON news coming up in June as well, stay tuned...)

Speaking of epic tours:


This Friday...


Apocryphon is slated to devastate "The Dank Room" in Vallejo on 4/20, along with Short Fuse, Ill Content, Viral, and ZombieDeathFuck (Newtdick dropped off this one). Facebook "event page" HERE.

Then, Saturday:


Back up to the 'ol hometown (namely The Alibi in Arcata) for a night of cacophonous, sludgy, schizophrenic chaos with our best bros Hazzard's Cure. NOT TO BE MISSED.


Thanks again for your encouragement and support in all things IllCon. We'll be seeing you out on the road soon!

Don't say we never give you nuthin'

Not content with finishing off my Eno series with style, verve, moxie, chutzpah and aplomb, I have also taken it upon myself to give you good good people a couple of small christmas gifts. Call it a token of our esteem from us here at the IllCon compound for it is, after all, the season of goodwill and so forth.




















I did sneakily foreshadow this post in my last one, mentioning, as I did,'writing bollocks about massively overlooked bands from New Zealand' and my enthusiasm for the TV cartoon 'Adventure Time WIth Finn & Jake', so that may well give you a clue as to at least some of the content herein.




















So, my first gift here- just a small one really - is an alternate version of the theme tune to 'Adventure Time'. I find the main theme to be the weakest thing about the show - far too indie and twee for my sensitive ears - so coming across this version that borders on Fancy Metal was pretty darned algebraic for me...



Now, I'm sure there'll be the usual naysayers out there slinging the 'H' word around and blah blah blah, but to those people I say 'SHUT THE FUCK UP'. You soulless cunts, you probably don't like the goddamn Muppets either, and I don't fucking trust people who don't like the goddamn Muppets.


















...aaaaaand relax.

My main present is something that I'm pretty damn sure isn't currently to be found anywhere else on t'internet. That's right people, we got us an EXCLUSIVE. First, though, I gotta ask, does the name 'Shihad' mean anything to anyone?




















If your answer is 'yes', then you probably already know just how damn good their first few records were and you may well already have a copy of the recording(s) that I'm about post.
However, if your answer is a no then I think you're in for a treat. Here's a wee taster to whet your whistle...



Pretty damn rockin' huh? Kinda 'Helmet-y' y'think? Hell, have another...



Yup. I dig 'em.

Both tracks come from 'Killjoy', Shihad's second LP, which was released back in 1995 and is one of my all-time favourite records.
Their debut EP 'Devolve' and their first LP, and first international release, 'Churn' (produced by Killing Joke's Jaz Coleman, fact fans!) were pretty decent, but 'Killjoy' is just a BEAST. Blessed with a rhythm section that pumps like the engine on an exceptionally fine ship-of-the-line and some right noisy guitars, 'Killjoy' totally rocks my world. Hell, those guitars that crash back in at 3.24 during 'Bitter' sound less like guitars and more like heavy steel cables lashing against one another. KILLER.

I was lucky enough to see them live on their European tour in support of 'Killjoy'- although not, alas, in their Faith No More support slot - and can wholeheartedly say that they were a fucking fantastic live band too.




















As I said earlier, I haven't been able to find this posted ANYWHERE else on the internet, so consider yourselves very lucky boys and girls. I've even added the two B-sides from the 'You Again' CD Single - one of which is a cover of Bowie's 'Boys Keep Swinging' - AND the two Shihad tracks from their 'Happy Families' Split CD with fellow Kiwi lunatics Head Like A Hole. These are all from my own personal, deeply cherished, CDs so you'd damn well better appreciate 'em!


















Get 'Killjoy' by Shihad Here.



















Now, just before I leave you to slip further into your Turkey/Tofurkey-with-all-the-trimmings induced comas, I'd just like to add that Shihad still exist - their website can be found here - but they have done nothing of worth since their highly divisive 1996 self-titled LP, so if you decide to go digging around online after getting all fired up by 'Killjoy', don't say I didn't warn you.