Not with a Bang but a Bloop

IllCon East, cubicle #435 reporting for duty. Today we're going to talk about The Bloop. If you don't already know about The Bloop, hang in there, uncle these a beast will catch you up.

Way back in '97, NOAA caught this on tape:

The sound itself is pretty unspectacular until you stumble on its story (from Wikipedia):

The Bloop is the name given to an ultra-low frequency and extremely powerful underwater sound detected by the U.S. National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) in 1997. The source of the sound remains unknown.

The NOAA's Dr. Christopher Fox does not believe its origin is man-made, such as a submarine or bomb, or familiar geological events such as volcanoes or earthquakes. The source is a mystery both because it is different from known sounds and because it was several times louder than the loudest known recorded animal, the blue whale.

Curious indeed. Animal in origin, yet notably louder than the loudest creature known to man. Which means this sound came from an animal we have not identified yet.

NOAA says the sound came from about 50 degrees South, 100 degrees West. I suspect they only publish an estimation because they don't want anyone to panic. Because if they admitted that the sound came from exactly 47 degrees South, 123 degrees West, like HP Lovecraft had predicted years prior, then we would all realize that this sound clearly came from the vestibular folds of Cthuhlu's slimy maw.

Observe:
Point A - the exact location of R'lyeh
Point B - the approximate location of The Bloop

I leave it to you to decide what the truth is.



Also, here's the best Jack Kerouac / Cthuhlu mashup novel you'll ever read: Move Under Ground. I haven't finished reading it but it has already augmented my lexicon - Manhattan is now "turd island" and big-fish-in-a-little-pond is now "king flea." I'm up to the part where R'lyeh pops up out of the ocean and Kerouac asks a 4 inch tall Ginsberg where he can find Cassady.

Also, here's Ruin Lust. Do you want breakdowns? FUCK YOU. They are a relentless onslaught of NWIWSNGDM (New Wave of Incantation Worship Super Nice Guy Death Metal). Quality of vid sucks. Enjoy it anyway.



Download / Buy? / Metallum / Last.fm

Deconstructing Disney Part 2, Tonight on IllCon Radio!

What's up, buttholes?
Not a Hell of a lot of time to nourish your brains today, let it just be quickly said that IllCon Radio is going to be fucking awesome tonight, as we are completing our 2-part 'Deconstructing Disney' series. Here's what Cory sez:

"We are very honored to have legendary Disney Imagineer Rolly Crump speak with us. Rolly worked very closely with Walt himself starting as an animator and eventually becoming a lead designer for Disneyland on such projects as The Haunted Mansion, It’s A Small World and The Enchanted Tiki Room. Rolly will give us a behind the scenes look at the crazy creative process and hidden backstage stories of the old days at Disney.

Also joining us LIVE in the studio is Leonard Kinsey, author of The Dark Side Of Disney, described as “The Anarchist Cookbook” of Disney travel guides. Leonard will give us the lowdown on how to have “adult” adventures at Walt Disney World. Yes, you too can have a vacation full of sex, drugs and rock n roll which truly makes it the happiest place on Earth."

Sounds like quite a show, but alas, there will be no Taco Bell Dorito Taco Locos Supreme featured this evening. Sorry.
Tune in here at 10pm, and don't be afraid to give us a call with your own psychedelic Disney stories at (415) 829-2980.

PS: I hinted at big things coming up on the podcast recently, and I'm now ready to release just a few:

1) Yes, the rumors are true. Gwar will be on the show in the very near future.
2) Yes, Municipal Waste will be on the show in the very near future.
3) Yes, my personal hero Sam McPheeters of Vice Magazine/Born Against/Wrangler Brutes/Men's Recovery Project/The Loom of Ruin will be on the show in the very near future.

That's seriously just the tip of the iceberg. More HUGE developments to be announced soon.
Buttholes.

ALL HAIL THE ANDROMEDA COUNCIL

May the Gods bless our protectors over at The Andromeda Council. These guys work day in and day out to protect us from the combined Draco-Reptilian/Orion-Grey 4th Dimensional forces that are constantly seeking to infiltrate our government and consciousness, and news has just surfaced that they've struck what is possibly the greatest blow in known history to the alien forces just last month, as reported over at Exopolitics.

To quote the official story: In an exclusive ExopoliticsTV interview by Alfred Lambremont Webre with a human representative-contactee of the extraterrestrial governance council known as the Andromeda Council it has been revealed that the war of liberation against a 4th dimensional Orion grey and Draco reptilian alliance has been won by the forces of the Andromeda Council as of the 3rd quarter of 2011. The attempted the occupation of Earth, our moon and Mars by this grey-Reptilian alliance is over. The defeated grey-reptilian forces have been sent via stargate into the far reaches of our universe.
The Andromeda Council representative states in his ExopoliticsTV interview that the forces of the 4th dimensional Orion grey and Draco reptilian forces that remain on Earth consist of small pockets of isolated forces around such as Washington, DC.



According to the Andromeda Council representative, the defeat of the Orion grey and Reptilian occupation force on Earth, moon and Mars has the effect of leaving the Illuminati and Annunaki power structure on Earth, moon and Mars without any effective 4th dimensional back-up. Any attempt by the remaining grey and reptilian forces to assist Illuminati “false flag ET invasion” will be defeated, and any false flag ET invasion will fail.

The entire interview can be seen HERE!



Praise Odin!

As you've probably noticed, all the seismic activity and intergalactic intrigue reported above happened back in August of last year. But it is my distinct honor to announce that The Andromeda Council won another major battle the day after Valentine's Day this year, and it looks as if the very last of the Draco-Reptilian/Orion-Grey agents have been banished, once and for all, back to the 4th Dimension!
Rejoice!

The video shown below should sum it all up nicely:



Speaking of reptilian overlords:


Pool Party Radio Episode 48: Reptilian Overlords, featuring none other than yours truly, Dr. Shelby "Razorblades" Cobras, is now available for your perusal. Get it off the PP blog in raw mp3 form (link above), or just find Pool Party right here on the 'ol iTunes. Subscribe to them forthwith, because they are great dudes with large penises. Subject matter covered by Parker, Frisbie, and myself includes high candy prices at the movie theater, sea lions staging Occupy protests in the streets of SF, Adele's cannibalism, JuggaloBook, and Julian Sands (again). Not to mention, you know, the reptilians and what have you...

SPEAKING of podcasts and large penises, IllCon Radio (Episode 26!) goes live once again this evening from 10pm-midnight over at FCCFreeRadio.com, where we will be joined by THIS esteemed co-host:

Call in at (415)829-2980 and provide us with sex advice!

Speaking of which, our esteemed co-host was interviewed over at our best Bro JGD's spot The Living Doorway earlier today, so go check that out. Speaking of which, JGD will be calling into the show as well. Incestuous enough for you yet? I feel sorry for the poor sap that'll have to mop up the jizz in Studio 1A after this particular stroke-fest!

Speaking of IC Radio and rampant incest, we have some really amazing guests, interviews, events, and random wackiness approaching in the near future. Nothing I'm authorized to "officially" speak about yet, though. So stay tuned...

Until then, enjoy this awesome video of everyone's favorite Hessian Ryan Adams playing a heartfelt cover of "Wasted Years":

DICK HEAD

I doubt a whole Hell of a lot of you were reading IllCon all the way back in May 2009, but for those of you that were, I have good news. I am happy to present (partial) closure to an open-ended case I alluded to back then, a fascinating, confusing, and maddening mystery I first explored in a post titled 'IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW DICK, Or: The Android Was Never Located'. The post, which was meant more as a tribute to one of my favorite science-fiction writers (Mr. Philip K. Dick) than any sort of whodunnit, contained a nugget of weirdness that was left hanging in negative space until just now, in a sort of full-circle "happy ending" taylor-made for Hollywood. But I'm getting a"head" of myself. Let's get the noobs caught up:
The most interesting part of the entire post, in retrospect, was a quick aside I made about halfway through, which read thusly: "Side note: As a promotional gimmick for the 2007 film adaptation of A Scanner Darkly, a robotic doppelganger of Dick (above) was constructed to participate in a panel discussion at the 2006 ComicCon in San Diego. Reportedly, the android was "lost in transit" by America West Airlines personnel. It has yet to be located."

The Robot Dick, created by Hanson Robotics (they've also created a Robo-Einstein), is truly a marvel, and can be seen in two stages of development in the video below:

PKD Robot at NextFest Chicago (2005):



So let's get the skinny on exactly how PKDBot got "lost". Wired and BoingBoing both reported on the mysterious happenings, but here is a chunk I found on the always-reliable And I Am Not Lying, For Real:

PKD was a tremendous hit at Wired's NextFest, 2005. Several months afterward, David Hanson and his astonishing creation were on a flight from Dallas to San Francisco. PKD's body was travelling separately, but his "brain" and head were part of Hanson's carry-on luggage. Hanson had not slept for several days, and immediately passed out upon buckling his seatbelt. Hanson was shaken awake by his plane's crew in Las Vegas for an unexpected plane change.

Next up, from the New York Times:

He had been traveling for weeks, pulling all-nighters in a race between his work as a roboticist (he also made a much-discussed robotic head of Einstein); as the founder of a fledgling company, Hanson Robotics; and his doctoral work. But unlike his creation, Mr. Hanson is, apparently, distressingly human.

"They woke me up, I got my laptop from under my seat, and being dazed, I just forgot that I had the robot in there," said Mr. Hanson, referring to the head in a black, American Tourister roller bag, left in the overhead compartment."

He rushed off in a sleep-smeared stupor, only remembering that he left the head behind sometime after his second liftoff. The airline claimed that they shipped the head back to him, but a package never arrived.
Philip K Dick's android head is missing, possibly stolen.



Bummer! Can you even imagine the frustration of "accidentally misplacing" a labor of love like the Dick Head?! Hanson obviously blew that one, but here's where that "Hollywood ending" I spoke of earlier comes in. Apparently, the Dutch company VPRO put up the dough for Hanson Robotics to build a leaner, meaner, smarter DickBot in 2010, and the new machine has already surpassed its predecessor in all manner of sophistication and logic. Work continues on the "new" PKD Robot, and judging by the new color in his beard (see below), he is more vibrant and alive than ever. (More about the Android Project HERE)
But still, the question remains: what the fuck really happened to the "original" android? The mind shudders at the possibilities...




(Pay close attention to the very end, when PKD assures his interviewer that "he'll keep him very safe in (his) people zoo".)


Pro tip: A much more entertaining version of the Recovered Head Story can be found HERE via Fiction Circus ("The missing head of the Philip K. Dick android has finally been discovered in St. Petersburg, confiscated in an Interpol sting against the Russian software piracy syndicate Little Bear."). I actually thought this story was real until just recently (you would have thought the site name--"FICTION CIRCUS"--might have tipped me off). Durr.

HOLY SHIT.
True story, guys: when I started writing this thing today, I had no idea that 3/2/2012 is the 30-year anniversary of Philip K. Dick's death. Damn. Talk about some next-level lattice-of-coincidence-type synchronicity! Thanks to purplerainingblood for the accidental "head"s-up.

Speaking of Dick Heads:

Who's ready for Episode 25 of Illogical Contraption Radio?!
We'll be on the air--same bat time, same bat channel--tonight, fielding your drunken telephone calls (415-829-2980) and talking with public access television host Adam Papagan of Del Talk Show. Adam is a close friend and collaborator of previous guest David Liebe Hart, and has many a story to tell about the strange underbelly of post-9/11 Los Angeles. Join us, won't you?

HELLCRAWLER - Wastelands (2011)

How about some crusty, Slovenian, old-school death metal all about apocalyptic warriors and nuclear wars?

I discovered these guys on one of those late night cruises around Bandcamp we all undertake when bored. Wade through numerous shitty bands before finding some gold. Its not quite polished gold yet in Hellcrawler's case but its nearly their. Ignore a few generic drops in riffing and they prove themselves pretty adapt at synthesising Motorhead, Entombed and Autopsy into big, nasty d-beat tunes with sludge overtones. They seem pretty into apocalyptic fiction due to the numerous samples from Mad Max and The Roadwarrior, another reason Illcon followers should dig it.

GET IT

Bandcamp

Don't go watching any of the videos of these boys on Youtube if you don't want the apocalyptic vision ruined. They don't look like crazed, bearded bikers, just some normal metal dudes.

You gotta be f***ing KIDDING me!

I believe this speaks for itself.

DALE SCHACKER - SABER RIDER AND THE STAR SHERIFFS OST (1987)

Does the name Dale Schacker mean anything to you? Have you ever heard of such forgotten in time, animation cell wasting fodder as Denver The Last Dinosaur? Twinkle The Dream Being? How about Mr Bogus? If you answered "who the fuck cares" to any of those questions then fair play..
Dale Schacker was a musician and composer for the above mentioned cartoons as well as for the early 80's US version of Voltron. High on the success of Voltron : Defender Of The Universe, the studio, World Events Productions, bought up a Japanese anime titled Star Musketeer Bismarck. After altering key plot points, adding scenes, modifying content and basically dicking around with the format they released it onto TV screens as Saber Rider And The Star Sheriffs in 1987.
Now, I will admit I had no clue whatsoever about this cartoon prior to becoming acquainted with the soundtrack about 3 years ago. In all honesty the actual series is pretty standard when compared to other 80's, space cowboy classics such as Bravestarr and Galaxy Rangers. What makes it, is the awesome soundtrack by Mr Dale Schacker. Awesome because he was granted full creative control to compose an entire score that would give the series its own identity and awesome for sounding like Bal-Sagoth playing Stan Bush songs while home invading Nickelodeon.
Schacker packs the soundtrack with a ton of shredding, uber-processed 80's guitar, dramatic build ups, Morricone-esque motifs featuring harmonica and whip cracks, a slight touch of synthpop melody and various pieces of music that sound like those bits in The A-Team when they are building a tank out of a toaster and a lawn mower. Basically, its a pretty sweet compilation of tons of things most Illcon followers approve of. Need music to soundtrack those crappy chores? Here you go. Need music to soundtrack ignoring your girlfriend? Here you go. Need music to get ripped to? here you go. Saber Rider covers all your needs.

Get it here.

Need further convincing? Then wrap your ears around the awesome....

If your not sold yet then there really is something wrong with you, so included as bonus tracks are the French and Japanese theme tunes, a whole host of metal and rock versions of the main theme, a couple of remixes and a pretty boring interview with Schacker that they could have done without really. 

P.S. The Saber Rider team had a huge robot cowboy thing titled Ramrod ( Bismarck in the original anime). As a kid, I had a catalogue for the inferior-to-Transformers GoBots which I am pretty sure featured a robot called Bismarck that was identical to the Saber Rider version. Can anyone shed any light on the Gobot connection?

STAN BUSH HAS THE FUCKING TOUCH

Take a number, ladies.

As if the guitar-slinging, golden-throated, pussy-magnet shred wizard Stan Bush needs any sort of fucking introduction. You know him, you love him, you most certainly downloaded his finest work on the 1986 Transformers OST BACK HERE, you smoke his fingernail clippings, you masturbate to the liner notes of Higher Than Angels. You fucking know who Stan Bush is.
But on the outside chance that you don't already worship at the Altar of Stan, go to his website, have a look around, then come back here, crack a Carlsberg, and party the fuck down to the dulcet tones of "The Touch" (which most poseurs would probably identify as "that song from Boogie Nights"):



Thoroughly fucking pumped? Good.
Now that the Spirit of The Stan has ungently entered your body, it's time to get down with some super-obscure Bush Trivia. Now, I know what you're thinking: you're assuming this is the part of the post where I tell you that Stan Bush is one of the few people that crossed over between real life and the Transformers universe--via the Generation One, Season 5 scene in which, at an undetermined time period following the creation of the Headmasters and Targetmasters and the seeming defeat of Galvatron and Scorponok, Powermaster Optimus Prime spends a good deal of time relating Transformers stories to the human schoolboy Tommy Kennedy. Of course, after a series of stories wherein he describes the events of the battle with Unicron, Optimus Prime has to depart to attend an interstellar peace conference in the midst of a barrage of questions from Tommy. As he is blasting off, Prime declares "But until I return, I leave you with 'The Touch'!" Following this, the music video for "The Touch" begins, giving Stan his rare entrance into the fantastical realm of Transformers lore. This unprecedented appearance is also important when you consideHOLY FUCK THERE'S A LAZER COMING OUT OF HIS GUITAR.



But you guys all knew that shit already. I'm going deep on this one, into previously undiscovered regions of Bush Arcana. I will apologize in advance for your blown mind, for by the time you've finished reading this post you will be absolutely done for the day--no longer able to process any sort of information whatsoever.

I'll give it to you as quickly and bluntly as I know how:

In 2009, Stan Bush recorded a "re-imagining" of "The Touch" for the live-action sequel Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen, a hella sick Linkin Park inspired rip-off gem which fuses the seemingly unconnected worlds of simpering 80's wuss-rock and post-90's rap-metal. No further introduction is needed.

Enjoy Listen:



Needless to say, director Michael Bay rejected the song outright, leaving Bush to post it, forgotten, like a sad bunk sock hanging from an inner-city clothesline, on his own website. Until today, that is.

Sorry for raping all of your childhoods once again. My bad.

Thanks to Doan at the illustrious Kissing Contest podcast for alerting me to the existence of this timeless jam. Kill yourself.